You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
