I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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