Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
