Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
