I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
