omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
