Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
