fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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