Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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