My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
