I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
