you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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