What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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