it was like eating out sand paper
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Someone came in the potted fern
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
