I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
