Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize