yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
do nipples grow back?
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