you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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