You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
