she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
