I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
