There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize