Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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