I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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