The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
