a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize