Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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