how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
