I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
