First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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