Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
