Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
