I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
