i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
