he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize