I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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