It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
