There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
