this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
