so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
