Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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