Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
