Your dad touched me again.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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