whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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