I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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