Don't you send me to vm
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
