I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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