You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
