this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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