I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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