I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
