I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
