Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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