my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
