The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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