Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
