We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
