didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
