I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize