i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize