It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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