This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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