I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
