I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize