I think im going to throw up on grandma
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize