Jerry, you need to find god
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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