we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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