Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
