My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
