No, drunk sperm still make babies.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
