May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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