I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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