it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
