she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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