another moral hangover. fuck.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
