So drunk its hurt
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
