maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
