I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Come on in and take your pants off
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