Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
