So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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