I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
