Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As shirtless as possible
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
