I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
