Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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