Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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