I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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