Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
