you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
