I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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