She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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