best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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