FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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