Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
