Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
