I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
