haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize