she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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