I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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