My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
