Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
3 2 1 whiskey
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
