Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
