I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
